Today was defeating...im empty

Today was pretty much a carryover from the last few days, out of sorts because of my health issues, feeling betrayed by people i thought honestly were going to be the ones that i could always count on. And praying that we hear something positive back from the lender (which don't ever do. Even when they do help you, there's always a catch).  Life just finds new ways to keep taking from us and it sucks.  Growing up I used to love writing, it was the one thing my grandfather said i was good at.  He always said that i could explain things and tell stories in such a way that people wanted to sit and listen..i could make people feel something even if they didn't want to. But now. Now its a battle to get anyone to listen much less actually hear what I'm saying. The blame game, the differences that should be welcomed and respected but instead are used as weapons to cause separation and conflict.  Half the time i don't even think people who swear they agree and care, actually do. Because if they did, they'd be fighting hard for the change we need to save lives. Housing and employment are just two stones to standing upright in this world...

So today the lender sent us (for the billionth time) a request for the signed copies of the same forms and packet we have filled out a dozen times before. This is what they do. They play the "missing papers" and "never received" even though you ALWAYS should be sending via priority mail everything with signature required upon received.  I think i can speak for this entire family when I say we are empty, broken down, defeated.  Im not sure we actually have the energy left to fight much more and this is a fight to not be homeless.  There is no renting if we lose the house, itll be a minimum of two years before we can get into another house, and at least a year before we can have enough positive payments to even find a place to rent.  And rent here is twice what our mortgage is..its ridiculous to suggest walking away..this is what has to change...

Why is it we are so eager to side with the banks and wealthy and tell a family to go homeless theyll eventually get back on their feet, when they are already housed and need support..not just financially but someone just to be there to lean on every day and run ideas off of and be the positive in dark days.  I hate the word handout, its vile, we have had an income for years now and its just never enough because there were no support nor options that we could qualify for..Sometimes just having someone/people to talk to or cry on makes a difference.  Im not sure what tomorrow will bring our way, im trying to have faith all i know right now is that there is a growing number of families like mine, who are facing what we have been stuck in, and i created a platform to share their stories and try to make a difference..Right now helping them any way i can helps me get through ach day fighting our own battle.  One day at a time..Heres to hoping tomorrow is better